Last week I took Gus to the library story time. It’s fabulous. There’s a back room with carpeted stairs for all of us to sit on while a storyteller woman animatedly reads out the books. Then we sing. And at the end she pulls out a big box of shakers and drums. It’s pandemonium. The library also has a toy section so all the little kids go there while the older ones do crafts.
And to make it even cooler, I ran into an old college friend Kris Kruger, and her beautiful two year old. So we sat and caught up as the kids played. She just moved to Hood River 6 months ago, is working at the local clinic, hasn’t seen many of the old group of friends, just Brian who is still in Eugene with two kids and is pretty happy….Suddenly the storyteller woman rounds the corner with Gus in tow saying, “we gotta watch for the stairs around here.”
Oh my god. It wasn’t one of those ‘take your eyes off him for two seconds…” –I had forgotten I was watching him! Somehow that piece of my brain that had been hard wired over the past 11 months was turned off. Due to the work lately or Charles taking care of him? But it’s something that I’m terrible about anyway –I can get focused on one thing and ignore everything else around me. But to do it with Gus? I was mortified. Still am.
It was a real wake up call.
I also noticed that Gus has been more connected to Charles lately too. He’ll laugh more and want to go to him more often. Again, probably partly because of the work load. But not totally. I don’t expect Gus’ affections to be equal doled out between us and I’m sure it’ll go in waves at times, but it’s hard not to feel jealous or like I’m failing. So I started doing more of what Charles does –more interaction, less housework. I’ve made a real effort over the last 3 days to make things more fun. Not that they were bad, just turned it up a notch. And it’s already better. We’re already having more moments together. I love it.
So I write these things, not to beat myself up or to ask for reassurance, but just to let you know what’s going on. It’s something I need to watch as we go forward –not let myself get so focused on other things. Or to miss out on the good stuff.