Day Fourteen

Last night was the worst one yet. Up every hour or less. Put him down completely fed only to wake again and again. I actually got angry at one point. Not at Gus but at the futility of the whole thing. Who designed this system? Is it to train me for more and more to come? These are not deadlines I can just blow off. This isn’t some ad campaign. I know I’m being dramatic. But somehow this little life is in my hands and I can’t stand the thought that I’m failing at any of the steps along the way.

The phrase ‘don’t give up’ has been used in every conversation about breastfeeding I’ve had. Last night I grabbed on to this over-used phrase and squeezed it for all it was worth. And just as it was on it’s last drops, like the dry husk of my left boob, Charles got up and saved the day.

And then went back to work for the first time this morning. Poor guy.

The day was much easier -something about the sunlight that makes it all ok. Then 3 hours of delicious sleep when C got home.

(how he looks when just finished eating and is about to go to sleep)

We even went out for a walk in the evening. My first time out of the house and no one in the park ran screaming. Gus loved it. Was supposed to be sleeping but just wide eyed at it all instead. Slept on the way home while being held.


He does love his cuddles.


ps I’m slowly getting to respond to comments. Sorry been so lax. LOVE them. All advice and stories (and compliments!) are absolutely wonderful -thank you!

9 thoughts on “Day Fourteen

  1. Reading about you going through the same thing is helping me. My last night was the night from hell as well. I really felt like screaming at 4am but yes, once the sun comes up, I’m OK again. Thank god for supportive, lovely husbands.

  2. I know this truly isn’t any help, but you are simply living the universal experience of early motherhood. The anger is inevitable because of the sleep deprivation. This is where your zen training will serve you so well.

    big hugs and remember that perserverance furthers.

  3. I’m there with you Emily. I know what it’s like too and I haven’t forgotten. You have a cousin who cried loudly for six weeks except on the tit or exhausted in sleep. I learned more compassion for all kinds of folks from the experience. Lots of love to you three.

  4. I promise, promise, promise it gets better, better, better. And I know everyone says it, but sleep when he sleeps, damn the To Do list. Hang in there, you’re doing great!!

  5. fun factoids to entertain you
    -The record for the longest period without sleep is 18 days, 21 hours, 40 minutes during a rocking chair marathon. The record holder reported hallucinations, paranoia, blurred vision, slurred speech and memory and concentration lapses.

    -Seventeen hours of sustained wakefulness leads to a decrease in performance equivalent to a blood alcohol-level of 0.05%.

    See? the sleep deprivation is to help make up for the fact that you don’t get to drink! Always look on the bright side of life. (you know *I* do)

    lots of love

  6. I have to say, my what an attractive knitted hat ;o)
    Would look fab if there was a knitted romper suit to match!
    Funny I should say that…just spoke to Mum and she has finished it – we are shopping for the buttons on Saturday. Yay!
    And she renewed her offer for you to go to Sans Souci whenever you like.

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